Real Estate Humor On Real Estate Lingo
Real Estate Lingo:
There nothing like a few good jokes on the lighter side of real estate.
Here are some of the funniest ones sent in by our members. I
guarantee you'll laugh your head off. Just remember to pick it back
up. You'll need it if you're going to be successful in this business.
Lol! ;-)
Got a good joke? Share it with us! We love a good laugh as much
as you do. Tell
us about it!
|
Glossary Of Real Estate
Terms |
|
|
|
Spacious - average
Charming -
small
Comfortable - very small
Cozy - very, very small
Low maintenance
- no lawn
Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car
Prestgious -
expensive
Bright and sunny - venetian blinds not included
Townhouse -
former tenement
Modern - 30 to 40 years old
Contemporary - at least 15
years old
Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan
Natural setting -
forget about planting, the deer will eat everything
Secluded setting - far
away
Executive neighborhood - high taxes
Near houses of worship -
fanatical denomination next door
Park-like setting - a tree on the
block
Unaffected charm - needs painting
Starter home - run down
Hurry!
Won't last - about to collapse
And much, much more - nothing else comes to
mind |
|
Here are the latest terms to add to
your vocabulary in the real estate office environment.
Blamestorming -
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project
failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who
flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and
then leaves.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee
head count, leaving
the brass with clean hands.
CLM - Career Limiting
Move - Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your
boss
while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere -
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that
fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate
or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.
Dilberted - To
be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of
Dilbert, the
geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been Dilberted again.
The old man revised the specs for
the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk
- Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company
or
department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
error message "404 Not Found", meaning
that the requested documentation could
not be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
Generica -
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one
is, such
as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions, as in "We were so
lost in generica, I forgot what city
we were in."
Ohnosecond - That
minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
Umfriend - A relation of dubious
standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is
Sue, my ... um
... friend." |
|
CHARMING - Tiny. Snow White might fit,
but five of the dwarfs would have
to find their own place. See "Cute,"
"Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear
unless you have a lot of money and
believe your blind dates really did have
nice personalities. See
"Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper."
UNIQUE
CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse.
HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel
shelving with little holes - the
kind your dad used to store tools on in the
basement.
DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse.
COMPLETELY UPDATED -
Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting
or vice
versa.
SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's
Delight."
ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin.
BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you
really need a two-story live oak in your
30-foot sky dome? See "Makes
Dramatic Statement."
UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . .
.
YOU'LL LOVE IT - No, you won't.
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An
absolutely accurate statement. |
|
More Real Estate Office
Lingo |
|
|
|
Here's a little clarification of
corporate lingo.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less
than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to
train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
"SEEKING
ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents
and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real
daring guys wear earrings.
"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to
nutty motivational tapes.
"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up
at company parties.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months
behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time
each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the
office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no
quality control.
"COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:" Unless you wasted those
four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion.
"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain
that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told
the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the
job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
|
|
Real Estate
Recommendation Letter Terms |
|
|
|
1. To describe a person who is
extremely lazy:
"In my opinion," you say as sincerely as you can manage,
"you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you."
2.
To describe a person who is totally inept:
"I most enthusiastically
recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
3. To
describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow
workers:
"I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague
of mine."
4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the
job would be better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would
be better for the job."
5.To describe a job applicant who is not
worth further consideration:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making
this candidate an offer of employment."
6. To describe a person with
lackluster credentials:
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things
about this candidate or recommend him too highly
|
Got an opinion? We want to hear from you. Post your thoughts or comments here in our Mortgage Warrior Forum. Come join the conversation and say hello...onward mortgage warrior!
|
Join Now Warriors Wanted
