Real Estate Humor On Real Estate Lingo
Real Estate Lingo:
There nothing like a few good jokes on the lighter side of real estate. Here are some of the funniest ones sent in by our members. I guarantee you'll laugh your head off. Just remember to pick it back up. You'll need it if you're going to be successful in this business. Lol! ;-)
Got a good joke? Share it with us! We love a good laugh as much as you do. Tell us about it!
| Glossary Of Real Estate Terms |
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Spacious - average Charming - small Comfortable - very small Cozy - very, very small Low maintenance - no lawn Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car Prestgious - expensive Bright and sunny - venetian blinds not included Townhouse - former tenement Modern - 30 to 40 years old Contemporary - at least 15 years old Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer will eat everything Secluded setting - far away Executive neighborhood - high taxes Near houses of worship - fanatical denomination next door Park-like setting - a tree on the block Unaffected charm - needs painting Starter home - run down Hurry! Won't last - about to collapse And much, much more - nothing else comes to mind |
| Real Estate Office Lingo |
Here are the latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the real estate office environment. Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands. CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon. 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning that the requested documentation could not be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man." Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions, as in "We were so lost in generica, I forgot what city we were in." Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've made a BIG mistake. Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Umfriend - A relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Sue, my ... um ... friend." |
| Real Estate Ad Phrases |
CHARMING - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home." MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper." UNIQUE CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse. HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement. DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse. COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa. SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight." ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin. BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement." UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . . . YOU'LL LOVE IT - No, you won't. MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An absolutely accurate statement. |
| More Real Estate Office Lingo |
Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo. "COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers. "SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. "JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes. "A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up at company parties. "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend. "DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around. "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control. "COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:" Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion. "CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way). "APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. |
| Real Estate Recommendation Letter Terms |
1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy: "In my opinion," you say as sincerely as you can manage, "you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you." 2. To describe a person who is totally inept: "I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever." 3. To describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow workers: "I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine." 4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would be better left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job." 5.To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration: "I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." 6. To describe a person with lackluster credentials: "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly |
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