Real Estate Humor On Real Estate Agents, Part 2
Real Estate Agents, Part 2:
There nothing like a few good jokes on the lighter side of real estate. Here are some of the funniest ones sent in by our members. I guarantee you'll laugh your head off. Just remember to pick it back up. You'll need it if you're going to be successful in this business. Lol! ;-)
Got a good joke? Share it with us! We love a good laugh as much as you do. Tell us about it!
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How do real estate agents traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you." |
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In a crowded elevator, one man asked another, "How's business?" "Last year we sold 500,000 houses, 700,000 farms and 750,000 schools," came the reply. "This year we ought to do equally well and, in addition, sell 1,200,000 garages." As the elevator descended, there was heavy silence for a moment. Then someone spoke up indignantly. "Sir," he said, "I'm in real estate, and those figures are preposterous!" He didn't know that the man boasting about his business was the marketing director of a major toy company. |
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A guy walks into the real estate office and hands the broker his application. The broker begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every real estate office he has ever worked for.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every real estate office."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the broker, "there's not much positive in that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter." |
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Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired Agent?
For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."
For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."
For an agent with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."
For an agent who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."
For an agent who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of
employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or
recommend him too highly."
For a stupid agent:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications
whatsoever."
For a dishonest agent:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker." |
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A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE' |
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My Agent Always Give 100% |
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12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday |
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Broker, to four of his agents: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Agent: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Agent: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Agent: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male Agent, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..." |
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Real Estate Office Lingo -- 2 |
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"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: " You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me "for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career". |
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